As many of you are aware, one of the main reasons that brought me to Fargo, ND is my Mom. Ever since I can remember my Mom has been living with Multiple Sclerosis, a debilitating disease of the nervous system, but it hasn't been until the past 5 years or so that the disease has progressed to the point that she couldn't do everyday activities like cooking, bathing, or going to the bathroom without assistance. What brought me to the area was the fact that she was getting worse and worse and would likely need some sort of professional care in the foreseeable future, so we wanted to make sure that her financial matters were taken care of ahead of time. But instead of helping with things like her will, I ended up becoming my mother's caregiver for about 3 months.
It was easily one of the most stressful times of my life.
"Don't Worry, We'll Take Care Of You!"
My little sister and I would always say that since she took care of us when we were younger, we'd do the same thing for her when she needed it. It's only fair, right? Something I hear all the time when talking to clients about long-term care insurance is, "I don't need it. My kids will take care of me.", and while I can certainly relate to the feeling of wanting to help a loved one, it's so much more than just getting the mail and picking up groceries once a week as I soon found out.
According to a USA Today/ABC News/Gallop poll of baby boomers:
- 41% have a living parent they are providing care for (financial help, personal care or both).
- 8% of boomers say their parents have moved in with them.
Of those who are not caring for an aging parent:
- 37% say they expect to do so in the future.
- About half say they're concerned about being able to provide such care.
An Average Night
"Brian!"
My eyes slowly open, and as I lay there trying to figure out if my Mom actually called my name or if it was just another nightmare, I look at my alarm clock: It's about 3:30am. I pause for a few seconds before trying to go back to sleep.
"Brian!" she yells again even louder. "Not again..." I think to myself as I try to clear the cobwebs out of my mind. "I just got up 2 hours ago to help her out of bed. What's wrong now?" Even though I'm a little cranky from being woken up for the second time of the night, I try not to show it. As I turn the corner into the living room, I see my Mom lying on her stomach next to her electric scooter.
"I fell again...." She says, almost on the verge of crying.
My heart sinks as I see her lying face down on the carpet, unable to get up by herself, and I immediately feel guilty that just moments before I was upset about being roused out of bed in the middle of the night. After picking her up and setting her onto the seat of her candy apple red scooter, I start slowly heading back down the hallway, finally able to go back to bed. Or so I thought.
"Brian? Will you help me go to the bathroom?", she quietly asks. "I'm afraid I'm going to fall again."
Another fifteen minutes pass as I place her onto the toilet, waiting for her to finish before helping her pull up her pants and lifting her back onto her scooter. "Thank you, honey.", she says as she slowly drives her scooter into the kitchen where she'll spend the rest of the night watching Andy Griffith re-runs on TV Land.
"That's alright, Mom. I love you. Do you need anything else before I go back to bed?", I ask as I try to hide the growing depression and frustration I feel about the entire situation.
She softly replies, "No honey. You go back to bed. I'll be alright."
I hope so.
The Financial Impact of Being a Caregiver
According to the AARP, the "typical" unpaid caregiver:
- is a 46-year-old woman who works outside the home while taking care of a relative.
- is forced to cut the hours she works at her regular job by about 41%, causing her salary and benefits to fall sharply.
- loses an estimated $659,000 in lost in pensions, Social Security benefits and wages as she takes time off from work to care for her aging parents.
- reports having one or more chronic conditions, such as high blood pressure, at nearly twice the rate of all Americans. Of those who say their health has worsened because of caregiving, 91% report depression.
A Potential Solution
When it comes to the unfortunate time where a loved one is simply unable to fully take care of themselves anymore, there are a few potential solutions. In my opinion, the best option is to look at purchasing a long-term care policy for your loved ones. I'll be writing a more in-depth article about some other available options in the near future, but I'll end this post with a saying that an associate of mine told me about why he's so passionate about helping people with their long-term care needs.
"Long-term care insurance allows families to care about each other, instead of having to take care of each other."
I like that.
USA Today: Becoming "Parent of Your Parent" an Emotionally Wrenching Process
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